Sunday Walk for the better.

Woke about 10am to grey cold day. I thought ick that is gonna make for a grotty walk. Had breakfast and got dressed...because there was no power couldn't have heater on and was COLD. Hung 3 loads of washing that I had done last night. Not a great drying day but didn't want to hang it in lounge. Got wrapped up for my walk, gloves, socks(never bother withsocks normally, tights and trousers, skivy, sleeveless vest and polarfleece jacket told ya i was rugged up. Soon warmed up though so gloves came off...my hands had got so cold hanging out the washing and with no power also meant no hotwater(we have gas hotwater and it is powered by electricity) to warm my hands.
I walked 2 hours and 10 mins. Measured it later with the car and it was 8.5k, forgot to put on pedometre. Half hour of it was cross country and pretty rough went over on ankle a couple of times but no damage, rest of walk was on road so pretty easy.
When I got home had the snack I had taken with me...banana, muffin and raisins.
(This is when a spa would be great...mind u today it wouldn't have been much use. Have been looking into Sauna's as well.)
Rested for a while then drove to the shops for some 'supplies' got some mandarines, frozen corn, vinegar, and frozen yoghurt...I decided to treat myself for my walk. Visited Dad for half hour, drove around walk to clock time. Came home had a read of GI resolution took note of some things to ask dietican. Got casserole ready for tea and cabbage tried new recipe rather nice, would have been nicer if shop had cider vinegar but only had spiced. By then power was back on and I could start cooking. Bought in washing think it was wetter than when i hng it out, so now lounge looks like a laundramat again. Watched Low carb and loving it. By then hubby was home and life is back to normal.
tomorrow hate begining of month always tension.

Food and Exercise Food Plan

Breakfast

Branflakes and fruit + fibre cereal mix
Trim milk
diet coke(no coffee no power)

Snack

muffin
banana
raisin

Lunch

2 sandwich molenburg toasted
tomato
lite marg
vegemite

Tea

Fruity Lamb Casserole
Mashed Potato
Corn
Green Beans
Spicy Red Cabbage


Fruity Lamb Casserole

720g trim cubed(I used chops)
2 cps water
2 small onions
8 prunes halved
12 dried apricots halved
1 tsp cinnamon
1tsp ground ginger
ground black pepper

Put all in casserole and bake for 2 hrs med temp.


Spicy Red Cabbage

1/4 cup cider vinegar (had to use spiced vingar)
3 tablespoons firmly packed light brown sugar
3 cups red cabbage -- finely shredded
1/2 cup sliced red onion -- thinly sliced
1/4 cup raisins

Preheat oven to 180c.

In a shallow baking dish, combine vinegar and sugar, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Add cabbage, onion and raisins; toss gently to combine. Bake, covered, 20 minutes, stirring after 10 minutes, until wilted.


Fruity Lamb Casserole

Saturday-sunshine blue skies

Spent the day cleaning house. A very nice day not that I seen much of it, I only went out side to hang out the washing. Boring huh! It was noce to get all the wash dried and no clothes horse cluttering up the lounge. Tomorrow is a ME day.
I baked a batch of pretty nice muffins.

Orange Bran Raisin Muffins

12 paper muffin cup liners (only made 11)
3/4 cp fat-free milk
1/2 cp unsweetened orange juice(I used 2 oranges)
2 tbls canola oil
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 lge egg lightly beaten
2 cps raisin bran cereal
1cp wholewheat flour
sugar substitute equal to 2 tbsp of sugar (Equal powder)
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon(bit cinnamony for me maybe only half tsp)
1/2 tsp salt

Rack in centre of oven pre heat to 400 f(check this in c 180)
Whisk milk,orange juice, oil vanilla and egg set aside.
Mix raisin bran, wholewheat flour,sugar substitute, baking powder, cinnamon, and salt in a second bowl.
Pour milk mixture into dry ingredients and stir just until dry ingredients are just moistened...some small lumps are fine. Spoon enough batter into each muffin cup to fill it 2/3 full.
Bake until golden brown, about 18 to 20 mins. A toothpick inserted into centre of one muffin should come out clean. Cool the mufffins in the tin for 3 minutes, then serve immediately or transfer the muffins to a wire rack to cool completely. Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.

Calories 102
protein 3g
carb 17g
total fat 3g
sat fat trace
cholesterol 18mg
fibre 3g
sugars 3g
sodium 131 mg

Food and Exercise Plan

Breakfast

2 slices fruit toast
Banana
coffee x2

Lunch

Baked beans
2 eggs
2 slices bacon
Orange

Snack

2 muffins
fresh and fruity lite yoghurt (couple tablespoons)

Tea

scollaped potatoes
fish fillets x1
lite and low tartare sauce
carrots/corn
brussell sprouts

another day gone and conquered.
A Couple of obsticles acured but I walked around them. I was proud of this because i was so darn tired..took me all my time to drag my sorry arse out of bed this morning and get to work on time...which I didn't actually as I was 2 mins late. Walked back to office after lunch and home again when finished 25 mins each way. Tomorrow is house work day big time I am sure a bomb has gone off in the kitchen. Sunday the power is off most of the day so I have planned a sleep in then a 2 hour walk.

Food and Exercise Plan

Breakfast

baked beans
slice bacon
2 eggs
burgen mxd grain
coffee x2

Morning Snack

frutti golden fruit bisc x3
pear
box raisins


Lunch

4 fruit toast
banana
apple
coffee

Afternoon Snack

kiwifruit
3 dried apricots
few slivered almonds

Tea

Mince
Chunky Mxd Veges (frozen)
chilli beans(bloody hot chilli beans)
tomato pasta sauce
penne pasta

1.5lt bottle diet coke


first you save yourself
then you save the world
but first you save yourself

greg johnson

Tired

Absolutley buggered so I am off to bed.

Breakfast

2 slices fruit bread

cereal (bran flakes-fruit and fibre mix)

Banana

trim milk

coffee x2

Lunch

2 x egg sandwiches (white bread)

lite margarine

pear

banana

3x frutti golden fruits

Afternoon Snack

2 burgen mxd grain

sm packet raisins

Tea

beef stew(thickened with flour)

mashed potatoes trim milk

mashed pumpkin

cabbage/silverbeet mxd

corn

I had a long post all inside my head now I can't think what I was gonna say. Can't have been important...afterall most of what I have to say isn't important.
Been showers this afternoon I finished work and it was raining was offered a ride but decided to walk-it was actually nice to walk in the rain.
I was trying to read a book this afternoon and was having a hell of a job t see it so put hubby's glasses on-it is as I have suspected for sometime all written work is being done with a new font these days it jumps all over the page. Although hubby's glasses r not for me and made my head ache I can see it is going to be somehting I have to attend to very SOON. I'm not gonna have heavy ones they will tip the scales to much.
Oh my I have jsut looked at the mirror I must take my panda bear eyes to bed.
Long day tomorrow and the big boss will be in town so have to be wide eyed and alert.

Food and Exercise Diary

1x20 min walk
1x10 min walk

Breakfast

Rolled Oats
Sultanas
1/2 apple
Trim milk

Morning Snack

1 fruit bisc
1 1/2 walnuts
raisins

Lunch

Toasted Sandwiches
4 x burgen mxd grain
ham
mainland cheese slice lte
kiwifruit
lite margarine

Afternoon Snack

Boiled Egg
Pear

Tea

Beef Snitzel Stirfry
Chunky mxd vegs
Plum sauce mix
Red Kidney Beans
Noodles

Diet Jelly

Lost Holiday Weight

Weighed in this morning and have lost the weight I gained last week, so back to 140k.

Picked up book I had ordered from Library, unfortunatly it isn't actually the one I'm after. But will be ok for some recipe ideas, will have a good look at it on weekend...might even take it on Friday to Millers if I get time to look.
Another SLOW day at work...think I only served 8 ppl. Walked home longer route than yesterday 30 mins, maybe could have done longer if not for fact it was nearly 3 and hadnt had lunch also my legs and feet were sore from standing. I did do a few jiggy dance steps, while at work, to some of the songs on radio to reveive the bordom, any movement is good they say.
Started watching the Weight WatchersDVD after lunch but fell asleep, so napped for about and hour. Hubby got home just after 5...hungrey so we had a snack of fruit toast. Of course then later didn't feel like tea. Cooked couple of eggs and toast about 8.30.


Food and Exercise Diary

Breakfast

2 fruit toast
banana
cereal
trim milk

Morning Snack

Dried Apricots
Slivered Almonds

Lunch

Tortilla sun dried tomato
lettuce
tomato
avocado
tinned peaches
lite mayo
chicken marinated in chili sauce and soy sauce

Afternoon Snack

2 slices fruit toast dry

Tea

2 slices burgen grain bread
2 eggs

Later

Have a good day.
Work was really slack. Standing for 4 hours doing begger all can get darn boring. And unfortunately the mind plays tricks on ya when ya have to much time to think. But I survived those stupid thoughts. Came home and did some housework...fun stuff. Worked to and from work. Had to shift the car b4 hubby came home so went for a drive around the route I walked yesterday 4.5 kilometres. Tomorrow I will try and walk home longer route than today, I didn't do it today my legs and back was giving me jip...but will have toughened up tomorrow. One of the girls at work leant me a book on GI Revoulution so will have a gander at it shortly.

Daily Food and Exercise Diary

2 x 10 mins walk

Breakfast

2 x Burgens Fruit bread
Bran flakes / Fruit and Fibre mixed
Trim milk
coffee x 2

Morning Snack

1 and 1/2 walnuts
box raisins
2 fruit bikkies

Lunch

Greenseas Tuna pouch in springwater
Lettuce, Tomate, Boiled Egg, Cottage cheese, Avacado
4 slices bread stick with oil and garlic toasted
Afternoon Snack

Banana

Tea

Chicken Lemon and Honey marinated
Chunky mixed veges
Rice
WW Jelly

Sun is shining. Birds r singing. Even noticed a crocus bulb in flower yesterday. Spring might have come early...a girl can dream can't she.Still talk of a big dump of snow...of couse the ski feild want snowbut I'd be just as happy for it to miss us down here.
I am going to walk to work today.
I have my snack pack ready and water bottles full,
I have lemon honey chicken stirfry marinating for tea,-I cooked extra for tea last night for hubby to have again tonight as he doesn't eat chicken..if he didn't like that he could cook himself.
I am ready for a day of positive thinking and good results from a wellprepared day.
I am going to make this work for ME.
Have a great day all. I'll be back later.
Thanks Sue for your comments yesterday post. :)

Break is over back to heavy work

I have been home for nearly a week but feeling a bit disgruntled. I had a great time. I walked everyday at the beach...my favourite place. Had a few dabbles in the water, it was a little 'cool' but after a few minutes ya get numb so don't feel the cold. I thought I had been good with food, some days I didn't even eat same foods as the rest of the house because it wasn't in my plan. I did over eat on party foods on Saturday, but didn't think it warranted a 2.5 kilo gain. I was so disapointed in this. Took a couple of days to get my mind around this gain. I hope to get time on Tuesday for a weigh in so I can keep in the right direction. I have only been half hearted at the food thing so not confident of result but leave it to long and that is when trouble sets in.
Today I had a good day. I did some 'chores' this morning and prepared casserole and veges for tea. This afternoon I went for a walk..part of me wasn't keen but once I dragged my sorry butt out there I enjoyed it clocked up an hour of sun and fresh air with a bit of exercise for good measure. After that I came home and finsih my knitting ( I bought some of that feather stuff to knot a scarf for my neice b/day next week) and then at 5.30 watched a cooking series on TV that I enjoy-called "Low Carb and Lovin' it" (Sky channel 8 Living Channel). Hubby came home about 6.15 from work so had a nice quiet ME afternoon.

Some new products I have in my pantry
Bircher Mxd Berry Muesli-keep forgetting to soak over night u would think while I'm talking about it now would be a good time to go do it huh
Greenseas Tuna pouch
Burgen Fruit Bread-Yum
Food and Exercise Dairy

1 hour walk

Breakfast
Burgen Fruit toast x2
Banana
Coffee

Morning Snack

Lunch
Toasted Sandwiches;
4 x Burgen Grain and Wheatmeal
Reduced fat Ham
Mainland Lite Cheese Slice x 2
Kiwifruit sliced
Margarine lite
Orange

Afternoon Snack
Banana
Snack box raisins(42gms)

Tea
Beef casserole
Mashed potatoes(trim milk)
cabbage/silverbeet
corn and carrots
green beans

Evening Snack
Lemon drink with tsp honey

Last Post

Gee that sounds depressing. But will not be home until 20th July.
Lazy sunny Sunday. Spent the morning doing hose work. Then this afternoon cooked meals for hubby while I'm away. Casserole, Crned Silverside, Spag Bol and chops so that is his stomach sorted. Poor cherub will have to make his own lunches. SHAME.
Then later in afternoon I went back to bed, waste of a lovely sunny day but did me the world of good. Woke at 4 then went for half hour walk before coming home and getting the house closed up for the night. Bring in the line full of washing, then loading up the clothes horse to air it, fold up yesterdays wash. Close windows and drapes. Stocke up the heater...oh I luv my heat pump no shitty fire ash and wood chips all over the house and with the flick of a switch warm room...bt the exciting bit is yet t come with the sumer and COOL air comfort and stuffy hot rooms.
Thnik of me every night when u r watching TV weather and hopefully they will be saying record highs for and warm weather. I will be walking the beach every day Have a boldging suit case, Jimmy keeps saying howlong am I going for I have enough clothes for 6 mths, but I need a change for beach walks as well as clean day clothes and then going out clothes after all a girl can't be seen wearing the same clothes twice now can she.
I have all the case packed may need a crane to lift it out to the car, maybe I'll bring the fork lift home at lunch time to take bag out to car. Finish work at 5 and on the road, will get the petrol etc at lunch time. I hope to shoot to the doctors rooms at morning tea for a weigh in so I am all prepared I plan not to gain while away.
Well must go now hubby want computer...oh and someone at door.

I am so pleased I started this blog

Thanks to everyone for there supportive comments. It has lifted me up no end. I agree, and some times wonder y I am still in this marriage. The only answer I can come up with is this was my house and I am bloody sure I ain't giving half of it away. We 'celebrate' our 10th anniversay in Novemeber. I keep saying what I would like to do that weekend but will see if it happens. I have set myself a weight loss challenge of 10 kilos by then which was exactly 4 mths the day I set it. That will also bring me in ear shoot of my goal of 125 and would be do-able by Xmas 05 at this rate. But I am not setting any date deadlines as such, if I don't make it to 130 by 5th November so be it, I can't at this stage see why I wouldn't. But there are a lot of corners to turn b4 then and no-one knows what is behind the corner.
I spent this morning packing my bag, well it started out to be bag but is now bags. I am off to Westport for a week leave after work on Monday. Have a family birthday on Saturday and lookng forward to catching up with everyone. Last time we were together was last Labour Weeknd (October 04) I haven't said anything about my weight loss so will be good to see there reactions. I plan on lots of beach walks. I have also made a packed with myself not to eat any of Aunty Pat's baking, she does some lovely cakes and biscuits. I also will not have potato with my meals and will go for a walk every night after tea. I will come home at least the same weight I went I will not gain. My usual weigh in day is Tuesday but i'll drop in on Monday morning tea time and weigh in so I know what I am working with.
I went for an hour walk this afternoon. Took a different route to what I have been doing OMG there are some flash new houses going up in this little town. Was lovely treking out in the sun and just enjoying the fresh air.
While I am in Chch on Tuesday b4 catchin the bus to Westport I will go to Fashion Factory, womenswear for larger sizes, I buy there dress trousers. The 2 pair I have are a 30 and 28 both r so large on me they r indecent hehehe. So I will go for a size 26, I will only get the one pair though as I am not going to need 26 for long I AM SURE OF THAT. On my return to chch b4 coming home Tuesday 19th will call into K and K another womanwear store. I have never shopped ther b4 never fitted me but I will have a look see and going by what I have seen on trademe I think I'll be making some purchases there heheheh.
Well I must be off and do some chores...what am I going to have for tea. Ick I get so sick of thinking that.
I'll be back.

TGIF is over

My day has been long. I have done ok with food. Didn't get my usual walk back to office after lunch break because it was bucketing down and I wan't keen to sit around all afternoon in wet clothes, BUT, at 4.15 the sun had come out so I went for a walk around the workshop and yard for 1/4 an hour so guess that was better than naught. I don't know why but I hadn't got a casserole on for tea as I usually do on Friday....never even thought of it. So didn't have tea organised at all. So stood at the freezer door for a while waiting for inspiration. Dragged out tortilla base and made pizza used Edam cheese, ff ham, mushroom, sundreid tomatoe, unsweeten pineapple, and salsa so a lot less cals than takeaway pizza which is what it might have been. I was pleased with myself when i got home form work tired and not really ready for confrontation..hubby says I'll go to shop and get something nice which translated is Magum Gooey Caramel Ice Cream I said no he said yeah go on I sid go if u want but don't bring anything home here eat it in the car. So he didn't go. How he thinks that is being supportive god knows. But he insists he does support me huh

For some reason my v/veins r gving me hell tonight...any one would think I'd been standing all day not sitting y my fat butt.

I measured, my walk I did on Tuesday, with the car this morning 5 kilometres took me 1 hr 7mins so want to get that to an hour. :)

Milestones and Challenges for my journey

1. 172 kilos Starting Weight-Commit to Healthy Lifestyle
2. 160.25 kilos ¼ way to mini goal
3. 162 kilos total 10 kilos lost
4. 158.8 kilos restart weight April 05
5. 157 kilos 15 kilos gone
6. 155 kilos 17 kilos lost
7. 154.8 kilos 10% lost
8. 152 kilos 20 kilos lost met this one 17th May 05
9. 150 kilos
10. 147 kilos 25 kilos gone
11. 148.8 kilos met this one 25th May 05
12. 148.5 kilos ½ way to mini goal
13. 146.2 kilos 15% lost 17th June 05
14. 145 kilos met this one 17th June 05
15. 142 kilos 30 kilos lost Doc scales 28th June
16. 140 kilos Doc scales 5th July
17. 138.25 kilos ¾ to mini goal
18. 137.6 kilos 20% gone
19. 137 kilos 35 kilos gone
20. 135 kilos
21. 132 kilos 40 kilos lost
22. 130 kilos Challenge set on 5th June to reach by 5th Nov 05
23. 129 kilos 25% gone
24. 127 kilos 45 kilos gone
25. 125 kilos Mini Goal Weight
26. 122 kilos 50 kilos lost
27. 120.4 kilos 30 % lost
28. Meet with Dietician meet this one 27th June 05
29. Weigh on at home scale
30. Ultimate Goal Weight 100 kilos
31. Fit Black Crepe Skirt (size 30) met this one 21st June 05
32. Get to a size 20
33. Wear pantyhose
34. Fit into my black dress
35. Wear black and red top
36. Comfortably fit Lyn’s suit again




Brag’s
12 June 05 Dawn and Samuel noticed my weight loss
Something's I still want to achieve:
Ride a horse.
Get into the 200 pounds
Fit into a size 20 jeans.
Wear my slinky black dress.
Roller-skate.
Wear shoes with a heel.
Spend the day in the garden.
Bubble Bath.
Ride a bike in public
Small cuff for blood pressure check
To be able to buy clothes off the rack
Not have to worry about arms on chairs
To fly without using a seatbelt extension
To walk without wobbling - too much
To wear a little black dress and high heels
To weigh less than my husband!!!
To take public transport knowing I will fit in the bus/train seat
To wear knee high boots
To not worry about plastic chairs again
To wear out the zip of my pants before the inner thigh
To know I can sit in any car and do the seatbelt up
To be able to eat in public and not worry what others think
To shock old friends when they see me again

Copy from old entry about me

I wouldn’t leave the house because of the sniggers and giggles from people passing judgement on me. Remarks made in supermarket checkouts etc and the street were cruel and unnecessary. I think some people think you are deaf as well as fat or it is there God given right to be rude. You must have no feelings.My clothes were always fat and frumpy, home-made tents and very rarely ironed. If I did manage to buy shop made they were still shapeless and drab. I was determined I wasn’t wearing a home-made wedding dress, so walked the streets to find a dress that fit and that I liked and didn’t need to bother with the later cause I never found one that fit. The biggest size they all went to was a 30 and they didn’t go near me. I found a shop with some lovely lace on sale and my friend made a lovely dress but by the time the big day came I had put on even more weight and it didn’t fit. So we had to add gussets to the sideseams and arms it looked revolting. I never felt more depressed than the day it didn’t fit. I ate more and cried buckets.My son was embarrassed to be seen with me. When we moved to our current address he told everyone I was his Aunty. Did great things for me I can tell you. I built a wall of fat to protect me from pain but all it ever did was hurt me more. I huffed and grunted with every movement. It was a real chore to go to the bathroom, I haven’t bathed in years, have to shower. What I wouldn’t do for a nice long soak in a hot bath full of bubbles.I was a dabb hand at making excuses for not going out places or to restaurants in fear of chairs breaking under the strain...it happened twice, or getting stuck in a booth. Eventually I had to start asking for a table when I did go out which I still do now in case I still can’t fit and don’t want to disappoint myself, and bring all those horrid feelings flooding back. I hated eating in public people would look at the food on my plate and scoff, often I had less than they did. I didn’t eat much really, you don’t have to when you get to the size I was, just the wrong foods.One afternoon I was travelling on public transport and I got stuck in the sliding door getting out at my stop. I still cry when I think of the embarrassment of having someone pushing my great spance of a behind while someone else heave at my arms trying to pull me out. I just wanted to die right there and then. I might add that the seat was a very tight squeeze and I needed 2. I have never travelled with that bus company since.I always use the disabled toilets because there wasn’t enough room in the regular ones to get the door shut. I couldn’t drive the new van when we bought it because I couldn’t get my fat stomach behind the steering wheel. Having to stand when visiting friends because I didn’t want them to see me struggle and heave myself out of the chair, or they might buckle under the strain.Always tripping over my own feet because I couldn’t lift them when I shuffled along.The sinking feeling when small children would say “Look at that fat lady Mum”...is indescribable if you haven’t been there you just can’t know.I was always tired, I’d sleep 10 hours a night and then have a couple of hours sleep in the afternoon. I never had any energy, I was lazy. I have seen me sit in the dark because I just couldn’t russle up the strength to get up and turn the light on.I have laid awake many a night scared to go to sleep because of the pains in my chest and heart palpitations “Was I having a heart attack?”I had no self confidence at all, I had squashed any of that long ago. I was worthless and who cared anyway, certainly not me. Once I realised that I was worth the effort half the battle was won.I can remember more than 15 years ago going 4 times to the hall where the weight loss meeting was held and walking home in tears each week not entering the hall and feeling even more hopeless the 4th week I dragged myself along as I arrived at the hall another lady arrived so I continued in the hall with her. I never knew the lady and to this day don’t remember her name but she saved my sanity that day. I met and became good friends with the leader and still am. Oh if only I had been happy with the weight I was then, The sad part was I was only about 10 pound heavier than what my goal weight is this time round.I hated the weight I was but couldn’t muster up enough energy and motivation to do anything about it, the more I wanted to loose the more I would gain. The changes I have made in my life in the last year means I am still gaining but instead of weight I am now gaining confidence, and the will to make a better life for ME.


I said I'd write my story if I lost 100 pounds, and I have, so here goes... I wasn't a fat child, well not till after I was 11 or so anyway. I went on my first diet at the age of 16 and lost about 70 pounds the beginning of the end. I was 140 pounds and looked fantastic.
I became a solo mother at the age of 17 and was so lonely and unloved so I ate for company. I put back on the weight I lost before getting pregnant...plus some. In 1984 I gave up smoking and gained another 70 pounds in 5 months, everything tasted so good. I have to admit I don't advise people to give up smoking cold turkey. 1986 I met the "Man of my Dreams". Unfortunately for me or maybe fortunately not sure which, after 18mths I found out he was married with 5 kids. That knocked me for a six I can tell you. I sold my house and moved 200 miles away from friends and family and him, became more lonely and depressed so ate more. Over the years I lost and gained the same weight over and over again....I was on the herbalife diet, the apple diet, the bread diet, just about every diet that was the fad of the time. In 1993 I met and 2.5 years later married my dh. You would have thought that now I was happy. Dispite being told we couldn't have anymore children and going to clinics to be told you are 2 fat for us to waste our time on, (I can tell you this really helped me loose weight I'm sure). We went thru the adoption thing for about 3 years but after a lot of anguish and being told in more than one way that I was to fat and we were getting to old, we decided to get on with life. I had blossomed to a very unhealthy 408 pounds. I was so huge I couldn't weigh on the doctors scales I had to hunt the town for heavy scales and was the top of the scale. Did wonders for my self-esteem, I don't think. Every day tasks like housework, getting dressed, personal care, etc....were a real effort...often I just didn't bother. I realised one day at the end of April 2000 that I had been making arrangements for my own funeral. A shocking discovery at the age of 40 that you probably wouldn't make 50.
Something helped me find some weight management sites on the computer and on the 10th of May 2000 I made the first step to a new and healthier me. I gave up Coca-Cola, a big ask when I drunk 2litres of the stuff a day. I also noticed that I would go for a wee walk once a day...I started by managing to get a couple of houses along the road and come home and flop on the chair for the rest of the afternoon or go to bed and sleep for several hours. About a month later I could manage 1/4 of a mile. Now May 2001 I walk 4-8 miles most days......I am a member of the gym, I check food labels non-fat, lite and unsweetened are the key words now. I don't munch on a big bag of crisps in the afternoon, I don't have a secret stash of sweets in my drawer, I don't have everything covered in thick sauces etc. Chocolate isn't my staple food. I eat fruit instead of hunks of cheese. I drink water by the gallons. I feel good, I like the me I am becoming and I plan on improving the new model. I don't want to get back to 140 pounds I will be ecstatic to get to 240 pounds, why couldn't I see all those years ago that I wasn't fat and ugly and I was a nice person why did I have to put myself thru this torture. Well I have learned and I am gaining knowledge all the time.
Some of the milestones along my journey: 13th July started a journal, my exercise for that day was folding washing, washed dishes, preparing main meal. A real effort to do that much. 2nd August People started noticing weight loss about 40 pound gone for ever. 11th August wore wedding ring, only wore it for about 6ths after wedding because it got so uncomfortable 13th August Joined Getting2Goal site on the computer, wow what a great day. 21st August Fit into winter coat and buttons did up, when I started it was very tight in the arms and a great gap of 2 inches in the front where the buttons wouldn't touch. 28th August Put on my own socks, dh had to do them till now. 26th September Got my hair permed. 2 Dec Ordered clothes from a regular catalogue, not the fatties catalogue. Wonderful feeling, didn't matter that they were the biggest size. January 2001 Great excitement lost enough weight that I can now weigh in at the doctors scales. 327.6 pounds. 4th January Started new job, office work exactly what I wanted to do love it. 21st March Joined the gym. 16th April Didn't eat any Easter eggs dispite them being everywhere ya looked. 10th May 100.8 pounds gone for ever, I can't describe the feeling it is to good for words. Triumphant. I am going to win this time. I have a whole different outlook on life and it is so easy to smile...I find myself humming often and don't grumble nearly as much as I use to. March 2000 Cholesterol total 6, ratio 4.6, LDL 4.1 April 2001 Cholesterol total 5.4 ratio 3.8 LDL 3.4 March 2000 Glucose 5.3 April 2001 4.7 Some key words I have used along the way: Pumped, Weight Loss, Goals, Challenges, Life style Changes, Exercise, Smaller, Portion sizes, Healthy, Water, Support, Active, Walk, Move, Gradual, Day to Day, Routine, High Fibre, Low Fat, Nutritional, Energy, Smile, Love, SUCCESS.

Why did I bother

Why did I bother getting my hair permed? Mum's comment was r u happy with it. Husband's comment was I thought u were getting your hair done. I went for an hour walk this afternoon. I should be getting my lunch and snacks ready for tomorrow but can't be bothered. In fact it is nearly 7.30 and all I feel like doing is going to bed, but what is the point if I am not going to sleep. Well I was right doing this online blog thing is going to bore everyone to death.

Breakfast
2 slices fruit toast
banana
coffee
Morning snack
4 dried apricot
slivered almonds
Lunch
4 slices burgen mixed grain
ham
cheese slice lite
kiwi fruit
Afternoon Snack
Tea
mince 400gms
pasta sauce mix 1 tin
red kidney beans 1/2 tin
chunky mixed veges 500gms
devided by 2

First Entry-Why do I feel

like I am all alone on the journey. I am plodding along and lossing the weight but I feel alone. I read peoples journals and visit inspiration site like I did last time and back then they were enough, but this time I am not getting the inspiration I need. I need some one on one me connection. I reach out but there is no one there. I guess you get that if you can go to weight management meetings. I don't want to fail again I don't want to give up I enjoy my long walks alone but some days in my head I'd like to know there is someone going to reach back at me and say how u doin.
I get diddly in the way of support from home and need to know someone is there for me. I realise I am the only one who can do this and I must do it for Me but its a lonely journey. I feel selfish in wanting this. I comment on sites, I read and hope that just one might come back and say hey Felicity I would like to chat to u I would like to be your support thanks for the nice words how r u feeling can I help u today. I check my emails I have my MSN on but no one knocks I feel like a stalker I feel even more lonely reaching out to ppl I don't even know becasue I am such a sorry piece of human flesh that I can't make friends of my own to talk to I have to reach into a stupid computer and even of the millions of ppl in there no one wants to know me. Am I really not worth that much. Am I really such a waste of space that I cant find one person to call a connection to tell how I feel . Am I destined to sit here day after day for the rest of my life talking to myself casue if I am it ain't worth it. I go to work everyday and I paint on a smile but i don't fit in. I don't drink so don't really socailize I don't smoke so sit in the office at coffee break and if I do go out no-one speacks to me anyways. No one ever calls around here or phones says come over for a coffee. I get the feeling that ppl only speak to me in the street casue they can't avoid it. when was the last time some one phone me for a chat to see how I am hey want to meet for a coffee. I can't remember, only time my phone goes is to work only time ppl speak to me is when they wnat something when do i get my turn when do i get to say hey I am hurting here give me a go. Does anone even care cause they sure as don't show it. My husband doesn't have a clue so long as his tea is on the table and I know where his clean socks are he thinks everything is alright. Does he say hey lets do something hey i'd like to be seen out with u no if I want to go anywhere it has to be one my own he doesn't want to be seen with me. He doesn't want to show an interest in anything I enjoy, is there something I enjoy, he wouldn't know what it was anyway cause I don't. Does he notice that I look and feel like a frump, does he notice i don't bother, does he notice I am sad and angry all the time, does he say hey what is wrong-no. What does he say well if we talk at all it is about stupid trains or motor bike who the ....cares. Talk hell no that isn't what ya do in a marriage be seen out together, hell no-pick up after, take flack from, wash cook, be farted on in bed, that is what a wife is for.
All the time I fight off the tears feels like they sit at the back of my eyes, my teeth are clenched tight and I am almost always just on boiling point. I dare not say or let go casue would I stop. Inside I am always screaming with frustration. Was that why I got fat becasue maybe some one would see me or was it so no one would want to know me cause she is ugly and fat don't go near her..What is the point if someone did say hi I wouldn't tell them how I felt anyway...but then would I feel this way if they did cause I would feel someone did care a toss.