Well so much for getting my housework done yesterday...when hubby got up he decided we'd go to timaru for the day so rushed thru shower and we were off at 10.30. Really Sat trading in Timaru sucks most shops close at 1, so classique clothing and postie were shut, will go to Classique on 29th when I go again but will have a look see in chch to get an idea of what I want. Did get to Micheal Hill and paid last off the ring I had on layby, it will be sized and here on Thursday intime for Annivesary Sat. Sized 2 and half sizes smaller than when i first got it so that is great and could have got it probably a bit firmer but with summer my hands swell etc. No wonder my wedding and engagement rings are slipping off...I MUST GET A CLIP ON THEM TO MAKE THEM FIRMER, before I loose them. Now what am I going to get hubby for anni present, had planned on geting him the timber for the shed he wants to build for his motor bike and ride on mower but too much for now maybe Xmas I have asked him a hndred times what do u want he says a Harley well that isnt gonna happen so he can just dream. I am so sick of buying him bike books and models. Don't have a clue. He says surprise me well it will be a surprise when i get him naught.
Well it looks like it is going to rain again so I best close this and get out and mow the darn lawns again. This will be my exercise for today. I HAVE to clean the kitchen. I have several phone calls to make.

I am alive
Dog tired have worked all weeknd by this Saturday will be 11 days straight and god help anyone who rings me on Sat for me to work. I woke at 4 this morning gave up trying to go back to sleep and got up at 5 who needs babies to have sleepless nights.
Hair perm tomorrow evening. Needs it!!!!
Sam Hunt will be in town for a show haven't talked to hubby yet re going but would be good.
stayed same on scales so need to wiggle my watsitt and shake things up there still have 4 k to go for goal of 5th Nov could be done but not in this life time...not at all bothered though.
I can live with 43k lost. Think I'll set a Xmas goal of 122k which will be 50k lost.
Picked up my anniversary dress from dry cleaners not sure why it would look to long now...will try it on in weekend body was to hot this arvo. Did I tell u my new shoes arrived and fit so nicely I think I could nearly stand all day at work in them SO COMFY if any of you have problem feet try www.willowshoes.co.nz absolutely marvellous...45 yrs I have tried to find shoes to fit my great big feet.
Might try for a bike ride in the morning b4 work don't ave the energy when I get home and with the hair appointment don't want to wear a helmet after, not sure the law covers exemptions on helmets for newly permed hair.
Bed for me good night all

busy week
Friday night we had planned on shooting thru to Timaru for the Anika Moa show, but I phoned and it had been cancelled. Bugger. So this morning we decided to go trhu to town anyway...really do need groceries, Hubby really wants to see the Burt Munro movie Worlds fastest Indian (we had planned going on Fridaynight we go to chch at 11pm, bt he theatre can't say if it will still be on then until the monday of that week) so we'll leave here at 4pm when finish work grab meal on way movies starts at 8.45 then stay night and leave after breakfast and quick grocery shop because i have to be back home by 11am for work. 12hr shift so will be a long day.

Funny thing happened today at work-I was filling my drink bottle at 10.30 after morning break and water starting coming from ceiling...apparently the pressure valve burst, something to do with the fact i had the hot and cold tap running together...office has been there for 18 plus yrs and has never happened b4. Only I could manage such a thing hehehehe.

Didn't manage a 'walk' as such today but did park the car 10 minutes from work and walked to office and then back at lunch etc so did get 4x10 minute walks and stood for 7 hours so must carry some weight surely. My feet ache so that must mean something.

Talking about feet my new shoes arrived today-they are great and I tried them on and I think they are going to be ok but as my fee were swollen I want to leave them and try them again in morning. I went to give my annivarsary dress a swish to freshen it up, yesterday, but label said dry clean only-so dropped it off this morning will be back on Tuesday because of long weekend. So I have dress, shoes, hair-do booked for Thursday and no were to go. City club doesn't have music...not looking good.

Must go to bed-nite all.

ps Leighanne It is Christchurch Cup Week 11th Nov-18th think it is....but yes Melbourne Cup is of big interest to Kiwi gamblers and bars.

I weighed in this morning the same but that will change next week.
Walked for 2 hrs today going from one place to another, stopping and starting but legs are tired tonight so must have done something.
Sold some stuff on trade me so we have decided to go to Timaru Friday night after work-I wanted to see Anika Moa play but couldn't aford it but with the trade me sales can scrape in-will be a quick over nighter stay at motor camp, have to be back home by 11 Saturday so as to start work. Also will get some fresh vege as pretty mother hubbards cupboard looking.
Hope to get an appointment for an eye check re glasses on Sat 5th because my eyes r getting worse numerals and letters at work r geting harder to recognise and could mena costly mistakes not to mention the further damage it is doing. More flippen debt.
My registration confirmation arrived today for the Duathlon wave 18 race number 864, I have seen it advertised on telly couple times tonight first time so thought that was a good omen. Had Special K cereal for breakie,appple and cinamin...the dried apple had skins and got caught in my throat.
Bed for me nite all

Mixed bag of negitive emotions

I have said on more than one occasion that I was working hard to get to my first mini goal for our annivesary Nov 5th and had bought new clothes shoes etc. Well yesterday I rung to book the restaurant Twiggers in Chch, we actually got Married there and I thought it would be nice to go back and have been looking forward to it all year. Well rung yesterday and they will be closed because it is cup week the folowing week and they have to much prepartion. I had a flood of mixed emotions including oh to hell with it all I might as well eat something I am not going to be wearing my dress after all. Well I didn't eat but still very raw and upset. Just when I needed someone to turn to an online cyber buddy logged on and knocked so we chatted for a while and I felt a little better but most importantly saved me a huge food blow out. Nothing I can think of to do instead actually compares. Any of u Chch gals know of somewhere else in town that has a nice meal and cabaret night let me know. At present we are thinking of going to the Club City which is across the road from the Copthorne hotel we r staying at. I suggested a play at court theatre but hubby wasn't keen. Then we thought we might go to Strawberry fare for dessert after. Yes I know that sounds nice and probably will be but isn't what I had planned. The main thing is I don't let this disappointment hinder my weightloss journey AND I will go to Twiggers the night of the Duathlon so if they were planning on being closed that night they best rearrange there plans cause it won't be pretty I can tell u. Then when hubby came home I told him but he didn't seem to bothered which of course wasn't the reaction I wanted...he should have been as upset as I was, I wanted everything to go perfectly but of course it hasn't as usual. I have to learn I can't control everything and some things just aren't going to happen the way I want regardless of how much I'd like. But I so wanted this.
We plan on leaving here on friday after work, 4ish and tea on way probably Pleasant Point. We wont get to chch till about 10 check in to hotel must ring them and say we will be late arriving. This week at Hoyts in Moorehouse Ave they have a showing of "The worlds fastest Indian" at 11pm, so if they have it again at that time on the 4th we'll go to that...hubby is talking about walking from Victoria Sq to cinema but I really don't think we'll have time. Then after the movie we'll go for coffee and dessert at Denny's which is right beside the cinema. Back to Hotel SLEEP. Saturday Breakfast at the hotel then I plan to go to the pool they have Aquafit classes at 10-10.45...this one is for experienced and fit so not sure on it yet. Then plan on a walk at beach and catch up with some friends. Then in the afternoon I want to visit a friend she hasn't been well and is in and out of hospital so not sure where she'll be. Back to hotel by 4 and maybe a spa then pretty myself up for '' the Big Night Out' what ever it shall be. We have a late check out on Sunday at noon-plan of attack for Sunday morning is to have breakfast 8.30ish then I want to go to Aquagym again-it is basic classes on Sunday from 10am then I'll come back to hotel, hubby is gonna go back to bed I think, shower and back on the road again. A relaxing 'break' huh.

Back to the here and now.
Yesterday afternoon I got an hour lawn mowing in then nothing much, cooked tea and watched a bit of telly...well a lot of telly actually cause it was 1 am when I went to bed.
Up this morning at 8.30 and did another hour of lawns, note to self lawns are to wet to mow and 9.30 and wet grass is a sod of stuff to pick up with mower...had to do it over 3 times to look good. Still have one area left to do about 3/4 hr but can't be chuffed doing it now it can wait till later in the week, unless I get a burst of energy after tea and can't see it. Went for a 4 k walk this afternoon and got a couple of lettuces, and diet lemonade on my way home back pack was buldging again. Since coming home I have done a bit of online research...thought there might have been a fireworks display we could have gone to maybe if the Club isn't up to much we could go to the fireworks but it is at Brighton Peir so can't see himself being into that. Now it is 5.30 and I guess I best make a start on tea.

Have eaten so far today

2 slices fruit bread
coffee x2

2 kiwifruit

chicken salad

frozen yogurt
banana

plan for tea
Mince rissoles
cauli with cheese sauce
green beans
carrots and parsnip mash
corn

A busy day at work yesterday, all afternoon it was run run run with phone and customers never got a thought to myself. I did get time in morning to print off entry and send cheque for Duathlon so no pulling out now. Ordered size 22 t shirt so hope I don't live to regret that, but I'm in 24 now so am sure will be a 22 by March. Biked home longer route clocked it in car later and was 6k. Had scrummy salmon steak cooked in goerge foreman grill and lettuce salad, beetroot and bean salad for tea. It was delish, cooked hubby veges he isn't fond of salad and 3 nites in row might be a bit much.

Up early this morning well 7 is early for a Saturday. Went for a bike ride at 9.30 looked like weather was gonna pack up, a cold wind has come up so pleased I went still threatening rain. Done some housework-that never goes away.
Line full of washing so that will be added to the ironing pile later.
Still have lawns to mow will go out soon.

Earlier today I got an email link to an online journal I read (OnePhatMan) and he was talking about scales and self talk wow did that ever hit home...so today every time I have said something negititve or called myself stupid, fat, useless, hopeless, or any other I can't think of just now I have reminded myself I am none of these things and that i am worth the effort to go thru this. Then I got an email from another online journal buddy(who I have actually met) and what she said had me blubbing like a baby. Hell other ppl (not family they don't count) but people out there do give a toss if I live or don't, they care about me, think I am worth an effort. Amazing.

Having a sit with my feet up and watching my new Cher DVD...I posted on one of the chat rooms I visit, wonder if with all this walking and bike riding I'll ever have legs like her's. Not with these varocios veins. She is amazing. Watching the DVD has bought back the excitement and memories of the 2 concerts I went to earlier in the year. FANTASTIC

Words from the last track has sent me to thinking a plenty.

Love Can Build A Bridge

I'd gladly walk across the desert
With no shoes upon my feet
To share with you the last bite
Of bread I had to eat
I'd would swim out to save you
In your sea of broken dreams
When all your hopes are sinking
Let me show you what love means
Love can build a bridge
Between your heart and mine
Love can build a bridge
Don't you think it's time?
Don't you think it's time?
I would whisper love so loudly
Every heart could understand
That love and only love
Can join the tribes of man
I would give my heart's desire
So that you might see
The first step is to realize
That it all begins with you and me
Love can build a bridge
Between your heart and mine
Love can build a bridge
Don't you think it's time?
Don't you think it's time?
When we stand together
It's our finest hour
We can do anything, anything
Anything, anything
Keep believin' in the power
Love can build a bridge
Between your heart and mine
Love can build a bridge
Don't you think it's time?
Don't you think it's time?
Love and only love
Love and only love

Well this isn't gonna get the lawns done, positive thinking-all good exercise. And I think the wind has died down.

October 13th 2005

Yesterday, Wednesday, I had a shit of a day. Woke b4 hubby left for work and we had an argument and then he left for work and I wondered why I am even bothering. Went for a walk and did a batch of Chocolate fudge cake to take for afternoon tea at garden club. I didn't lick the bowl, I didn't make extra icing to eat...then i buggered it by having 2 pieces of cake tough. Life has cake in it as well as other stuff.
Got all dolled up felt good went to put my garent studs earrings in and couldn't find them...last time I wore them was Sunday I remembered taking them out at Mum's b4 going for my spa and after that no memory. So after garden club we went thru Mum's rubbish ick and thru the fire ashes and nothing. I came home went thru all my pockets and handbag etc...couldn't for the life of me remember even what clothes I wore. After couple hours of looking I gave up the earings were a 21st birthday present from Mum and Dad and although I have had them for 43plus year really have only just started wearing them...afterall why have nice earings on abody like mine with frumpy clothes. Anyway I was cooking tea and have no idea why I went to the cupboard with the plastic canisters any way here was my earings....I rmembered as soon as I seen them, I took them off put them in the container(I had used it the day b4 for apricots and almonds snack at walk) must have been in one of Mum's grocery bags she gave it to me I put the earrings in so as not to loose them dah. Any way the releif when I found them I can tell you.
I wore my K and K skirt I bought from trademe and felt great and lots of great compliments.
Hubby got home from work still sulking so very quiet evening.
Today was better
Went for a good bike ride, will measure it woth the car next time I have it out.8.5k Then had a shower and walked to visit my friend had a nice visit then walked and posted some trademe parcels home for Lunch, then another walk to shops to pay some bills checked bookshop and WW mag was in so had a quiet arvo reading it very inspirational. When I walked to Jo's I walked tall and my don't I look good and slim walk. I felt so confident.
Had scrummy tea, crumbed pork snitzel with blue cheese tomato salsa and lettuce salad, aspargus, bettroot and bean salad.
I got my hospital appointment in today's post for Dunedin hospital for 8th Dec so we have decided to shoot thru to Invicargill on 7th see hubby's 84 yr old Aunt her birthday is on 10th Dec then off to Dunedin for night of 7th and hospital at 10 on 8th then home. So that is Nov4th & 5th to Chch. Timaru on 29th Nov. Timaru maybe 21st Oct. No wonder I am broke.
Visit with bank manager was 'helpful' so that has taken a little bit of pressure off, doesn't mean we can go crazy speeding though.
Work tomorrow. Fun Fun Fun and there won't be a T bird insight.
Well time for bed nite all

Another good weigh in result

A loss of 2 kilo's taking me out of the 130's and into the 120's.

I am stoked look at that little pink elephant slide along that ladder.

I was feeling so low this morning near to tears at times...nothing I wanted to wear looked any good, we had an appointment with the bank manager-basically a last resort to selvedge our finances, I was suppose to go to the doctors but I just couldn't face that visit so I cancelled that. But after a positive weigh in and some constructive juggling of our finacial situation I felt a bit better this afternoon.

I managed to load some stuff to trade me so felt good to get that done, just have to put photos on that has to be done on the other computer. Now I can move the pile from middle of lounge floor. After this morning session trying on clothes there is probably another 10-15 items in wardrobe ready or nearly ready for the list as well.

I have written the cheque to sent in my entry to Duathlon will post it on Friday when I can print off the entry form. Also ordered my shoes for our anniversary...not much point in a flash after 5 dress if I only have work shoes to wear with it...need heels. Didn't even wear heels at our wedding. So another thing to cross off the to do list. Ok they only have 3cms heel but it is better than jandels. Check out www.willowshoes.co.nz for wide fitting shoes, I didn't think they were too bad pricewise either.

Didn't get a massage yesterday as it happened-she couldn't fit me in. So I went Sunday afternoon for an hour long spa oh heavan. Felt so good having those lovely warm bubbles hit my back and shoulders then I turned around and bashed my feet. felt so good.

Went for a walk yesterday afternoon and feet didn't bother me at all. Recovered from Saturday's walk much better than I thought I would.

Wow did you see 'Downsize me' tonight that fella was jsut so chuffed with himself. Well done. Sure bought back some pie scoffing memories to me. Those day's are a thing of the past.

Well girls I think I'll call it a night. Nite all.

10k 2 hours 3 blisters

Well I managed to get to my walk yesterday.
Woke to heavy rain and phoned Timaru to see what the weather was and it was rain but still on so I left here at 10.30...Tekapo and Burkes Pass had snow on the road slushy and slippery. Wondered if I was NOT meant to go was something trying to stop me. But anyway I travelled on got to Timaru just after 12 found the Gleniti Tavern registered for the walk. Had lunch, I had taken peanut butter and mixed fruit sandwiches made with soy and linseed bread also had a yoghurt.
Crowds started arriving-starting point was St Thomas' church 2pm. So the rules and route were read out, and starting gun went off for the runners walkers then up to the starting line. And there off and racing a good crowd so for a few min there was a bit of justling but soon whittled down to a line line and within 20 mins I was pretty much on my own. It was a lovely walk some very pretty gardens...infact near the last leg I got a bit side tracked occassionally and stuck my nose in the odd Azalia bush...part of the route ws thru the Centennial Park lovely thru there too. By the time I got out of there I couldn't see anyone else ahead of me. The marshalls were very good and didn't give the impression u were holding them up or anything. I crossed the finish line last but within the 2 hours I had assummed it would take me, so happy with that. Prizegiving was planned for 4.30 so still 30 mins b4 that so wasn't holding anyone up there. Got a complimentary drink so had a very nice lime and soda took my shoes off and sat in the bar at Gleniti Tavern for spot prizes. Felt very alone and it really bought home how I am really 'doing' this on my own not a sole there to cheer me over the finish line.
2 hours, 17,178 steps, 13,638 cals, 10k, 3 blisters.
Did a few other bits and bob's in town and got away about 7.30 planned on having some tea on way...Pleasant Point was full and they take so long to serve....guess working on theray of leisurely meal(not fast food) so onward to Fairlie and thought I'll have there chicken pasta which is very nice, so it has cream in it but think I had done enough to deserve it....they were bloody closed 8.32 Saturday night and closed, can't see the new owners doing to well at that rate, so on I went and had a nice chicken, chips and salad with plum sauce at Burkes Pass..not excactly what I wanted or needed either but was all that was available. Pulled in drive 10.34pm 12 hours later another long day, hubby in bed did ask how I went but before I could even answer started muttering on about his day and oh don't forget you have to make my lunch. I did mention it wouldn't have killed him to make it himself but I will stand on my blistered feet a bit longer to make it for him, there was no bread out of the freezer so had to make it with frozen bead so hope it is soggy and bloody horrible when he has it at 12....you beat ya I won't be doing much today. Still have to unload the car and have plenty of house work to keep me busy, may go for a bike ride this afternoon, won't be so hard on the blisters.
Dispite the blisters, loneliness, lack of encouragement here at home. I am PROUD OF ME and very pleased I battled all the elements and odds, to do it...when the visa bill comes I'll pay the penalty and to billio.
What is my reward you ask, I am about to book myself a massage for Monday.

nearly asleep here so bed for me in no time soon.

Just to report I am going to Timaru tomorrow afterall...Mum is lending the moeny for petrol etc so more debt to add to the pile. So think of me tomorrow from 2pm. Well probably more at 4ish hehehee

Another busy day at work.

I rode the bike to work this moring then home at lunchtime and when I came home tonight it was a very cold breeze.

No sorry ppl's I have gotta go to bed my legs are twitching and my eyes keep closing. Will let u all know how I go tomorrow.

Nite all

Not much happening around here.

Haven't had much energy after work.

The house is a mess but nothing is going to happen to improve it anytime soon.

Really disappointed that i probably won't be able to get to Timaru on Saturday to do the Lovelock Memorial 10k Fun Walk, I just haven't got enough money for petrol...not sure how I am going to pay the mortgage tomorrow.

I had a lovely natter tonight on the phone to one of my online journal buddies it is jsut so great to have the personal contact I love the support and encuoragement I get thru the internet but with not going to meetings I don't have that one on one support and it is also needed for success. Sometimes it gets tough on ya own.

Last Tuesday when I went to town one of the appointments was a mammogram, results came today all clear.

Time for bed. Nite all

A quickie before I go to bed

I am so tired but have already had friends emailing me for a weigh in result. Loss of a kilo. FANTASTIC
Now this means next week there is the possibility of being out of the 130's oh I am so excited I could burst...sure as hell am positive I will have a good week this week with that prospect just around the corner. When I make the 125 I'll post a b4 and after picture only 6 k to go.
Right bed now nite all.

This getting healthy is gonna be the death of me!!!

I am buggered. I went on a Dept of Conservation walk today there was a group of about 140 andit was more than I really should have done. Up hills and down rough ground, rabbit holes, tussucks, fences to climb over...but I didn't give up, there were places I could have given up and been picked up with a vehicle but i didn't give up and I am so pleased i didn't as I am proud I finished but oh my aching bits and bobs. Was a cloudy day so good for walking. There was a bbq with sausages and onion and bread but i had taken my banana and peanut butter and mixed fruit sandwiches and enjoyed them. I can't remember how I heard about Low Salt Low Sugar Peanut butter but gee it is nice (Saniteruim) Mum gave me a bunch of daffodills that she picked from her garden for me for effort.
Weigh in Tuesday and I am keen to see what the scales say my calculations are for a loss of maybe 500 to 1 kilo. Will have to shoot in on my way to work.
Hubby wants computer so will sign off now.
Havea great week.
Felicity