absent without leave
I havent posted in forever thanks to those who have contacted me.
Don't bother reading rest it is all just so piterful.
I am alive but doing so good oh the weight hasn't suffered yet but if I dont pull my self together soon that may suffer(last night pizza and ice cream will help there). I just can't be bothered with anything I get up and go to work if I have to but if I am not working I blob about and do bugger all. I can't decide what to do about my life and married because I dont know what I want do I want to be bothered with this marriage. It has been a constant up hill battle all of the 12 yrs but of late I just cant be bothered...he doesnt hit me he doesnt drink he doesnt screw around on me he doesnt screw around with me for that matter but that is like to much information he comes home from work each night and doesnt do much of anything we dont talk about anything oh I hear about his day at work that is a bit like the add on telly with the baby has been titchy all day and dad walks in talks about his day and baby is a sleep instantly have no idea what they are advertising he shows ABSOLUTELY NO interest in wat I do. None of these things have happened over night its just that as my weight has come off I have changed, I am no longer that blob that nobody cared about least of all me I now go out and see that I can have a good time(albeit sometimes with to many wines) I expect to be treated nicely and taken notice of. I am bored I actually feel the same way as I did b4 I was married nobody gives a toss about how I feel...I get more interest shown to me about my well being from the cyber world than I do from my husband how sad is that I love u guys but for f***sake I am married. I know marriage isnt flowers and horse drawn carriage rides off into the sunset but I sure as hell didn't sign up for this either. Moan groan...I have just taken some evening primrose tabs maybe I need a tonic hehehe perhaps with some gin in it. I ask hubby to come out with me but he comes up with some excuse he can't go...I have said that I think he doesn't want to be seen out with me. I go to my events and he has time off he travells to other end of country. He went to chch thrus back frid I wasnt asked if I wanted to go I wouldnt have minded a trip to town. We are always strapped for money I spend to much of it travelling to my events he sold a motor bike and got 3 grand spent most of it on stuff for his train...I thought we might have paid some bills with it. (I spent $40 on clothes from trademe and feel guilty stuff it why should I far as I can tell clothes ya need, maybe not as many as I have but that is beside the point, train stuff ya dont and guess what he hasnt even got track to runn the f***ken thing on one engine alone cost 600 bucks) I don't put much into looking after the house and it shows because I honestly don't care anymore how the house looks. But do I want to live alone again do I want to loose my house can I be bothered moving(I have thought often it would be great to be closer to Chch to these events) but I know that selling and divorse are 2 of the most stressfull things and can lead to weight gain I am NOT gaining back I am wanting to continue on the path to slimness. I have to learn to suck it in and go with the flow....and really would it be any different
Ok if u have read to this far I am so v sorry to have put all this crap in here and hope to write something more positive in a day or so to rid this from top of page but this is just how I feel and really has been why I havent written anything b4.
posted by Felicity @ 9:22 am
9 Comments:
Fuck it is all I can say! If you are that unhappy, sell up, divorce up, slim down and get yourself some man who wants to bonk you senseless !! Life is too bloody short to be in a loveless marriage that is boring you senseless.... You are, I am bloody sure, worth more than that! And all the money in the world does not make you happy, sure it friggin well helps ! but at the end of the day you can be living in a bloody palace and still be unhappy. I am so sorry your life is not all it could and should be, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW! Give it some honest thought, if you are not happy with him/your life, it's in YOUR hands to make changes.... put a bomb under him, tell him how you are feeling, if he really gives a shit he will pull finger to make some positive changes, if he doesn't give a shit that should tell you what you really need to do... Don't be afraid to make the changes, cos at the end of the day, you are not happy as you are, and the future is in your hands. I will nver delete you mate, I just hoped that by saying that you might just feel like updating and putting us all out of our misery worrying about how you are! I do so hope you can pull it all together and BE HAPPY! Winter time makes it even harder too... I am thinking of you down there in the depths... come up in August !!! We can put you up, and can have a lovely weekend together!
Hello
I read your comment on Chris H blog and thought i would come over and read yours.
for a start I think a blog is the best place to write your thoughts and feelings and a great place to get help and support so do not feel sorry for anything you have written.
I agree with Chris life is too short to be unhappy. you need to figure out what will make you happy and do it.
if you leave your marriage it will be hard but if it is what you want after a few months or a year you will see it was a great move and you will be happier.
you need to be happy and figure out what to do to be happy.
I would suggest first of all to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, if he wants the marriage to work he make changes, if not then you look at your next step, your future is in your hands.
Also i think you would have a great time if you visit Chris H in August.
The most important thing is to do what makes you happy.
Good luck!
Felicity, the party is on August the 4th, you are MORE THAN WELCOME to stay at my home... the more the merrier mate!!!!
Hey there
Just wanted to say *hugs* and I know how stressful a marriage that isn't going anywhere can be! I have been there done that! To sum it all up - you have to do what makes YOU happy! Don't stay in the marriage for the sake of it! Think of YOU! You ARE important!
Take care
Oh Felicity your post is very honest but as the others have said you can't just sit and do nothing.
Within a relationship its so easy to get stuck in a rut with each other and start taking the other person for granted. It sounds like your husband is really taking you for granted and as Chris said, he needs a bomb under him. Men seem better at being able to let the status que rule and sometimes don't understand that us woman need SOoooo much more from a relationship then just someone sharing a house.
Sit down and have a serious heart to heart with your husband. You deserve to be happy and things probably won't get any better without becoming proactive.
Also you sound like you need a nice holiday break away. Chris party would be a great excape weekend if you can make it.
Take care of yourself.
HUMPH!!! so much for putting up photos while you had the time, ya piss head! Scotch will help preserve ya skinny body one day chick..... PHOTOS WOMAN !!!! And am I ever glad I turned off the computer last night is all I can say! My post was boring eh??? SOOOOOOOO SORRRRRRY. lol
YIKES, SORRY ABOUT THAT!!!! SOMEHOW MANAGED TO PUT A COMMENT ON THE WRONG BLOG... THE ABOVE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR WANNA B SLIM !!!!!!!!!
I knew things weren't right with you. Everything has been said above and I have to agree that while it's hard try and remember that life's too short..... First of all tell him how you are feeling and see what happens from there.
You are worth it!
Isn't that what we are here for hun. If you can't get it out here then you are screwed. You know I am always here to listen and give advice (if you want it). It is not a good thing to stay in a marriage that you hate hun and the house, money isn't worth all this sad feelings.
I agree with Anne... tell him what you are feeling and what you are going to do if things don't change and go from there. Because maybe he is feeling the same way but not wanting to say anything and maybe it will buck up his ideas if you tell him what you are feeling.
And I also agree with Lynise... come and party with us in August at Chrish place.
Do what your gut is telling you to do.
Love ya
Chubbymum
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